Redundant
by Moro-moro
Summary: You meant so much, so I let ourselves repeat in hopes that we'd fall out of this circle. And now, I can't think of the words to tell you how much it all meant. I love you just isn't enough anymore. Green Day's Redundant Vague character POV Dedicated


**_A/N: Dedicated to Lea, who I doubt will ever read this. _**

_**REDUNDANT:**_

_Now I cannot speak,_

_I lost my voice_

_Speechless and redundant_

_Because_

"_I love you"_

'_S not enough_

_I'm lost for words…_

_**(Green Day- "Redundant")**_

It's stupid how mad I got. It just repeated itself over and over and over, though! I couldn't take it anymore. I mean, I guess I let it get so out of hand because I just cared so much that I…

I couldn't see the truth at all.

At first, I was just content in seeing you every day, hearing you speak, watching you move. It was fun. I would laugh, and it wouldn't hurt at all. Not a bit.

Before I even realized it, I suppose I started to become infatuated. It wasn't overnight, not at all. Initially I was attracted to attributes I liked: confidence, gifts with words I just didn't have, adoration that I wanted… I didn't care if you abused me at all. I thought that if I spent enough time with you, I'd soak in residual amounts of these things, and I could be worthy of you.

Over the years that followed, I fell for you. Your true smiles, the ones that dropped like rain, how un-truly-touchable you were, the things you said in moments of quiet happiness and tenderness.

I liked the way your hand felt when you grabbed me to catch me before I left. I liked watching you over your shoulder, watching you fingers work away at the keyboard, fingers flying over the keys. I liked listening to you talk, even if you were tactless at times.

It grew and grew, and we were separated for a bit, and I began to treasure every little second I could be with you. Whether it be in person, on the phone, or on the computer.

It grew painful to be without you, very much so. I longed to talk to you, and see you once again.

I thought we could be happy in companionship. I knew that you'd never actually return my feelings at all; I could never dream of it! I mean, the way you talked to me, sometimes you acted as if I was disposable. I never minded— it was just your past talking, or your distraction; I wrote it off.

As time went on, I wanted more attention. I wanted to be noticed, and I wanted you to know. …and I told you, and so we started this downward spiral we've finally landed from…

But to make me think that I had something resembling a chance, and then lie to me the entire way there? I know now that I was disposable, nothing more than something to think about afterwards.

That was cruel. And I would love to say that I hate you for it. But I can't.

I love you far too much.

As a person, as a friend, as a confidant, as a family member, as a human, as a citizen, as a child, as an adult… as the _aficionado_ you will never be.

So, now, here I stand in front of this microphone, waiting for the music to start. This is my last song for you, and I hope you understand why I wanted to try, why I was mad, and why I want to let you go so badly it hurts.

But also why I love you as a friend now, why I want you to fix it so we _can_ be friends, and why I want you to respect me enough to tell me the truth of how I never mattered as number one.

And thus, I dedicate this to you; to you whom I have fallen multiply in love with.

_"We're living in repetition.  
Content in the same old shtick again.  
Now the routine's turning to contention,  
Like a production line going over and over and over, roller  
coaster. _

Now I cannot speak, I lost my voice.  
I'm speechless and redundant.  
'Cause I love you's not enough.  
I'm lost for words.

Choreographed and lack of passion.  
Prototypes of what we were.  
Went full circle 'til I'm nauseous.  
Taken for granted now.  
Now I waste it, faked it, ate it, now i hate it.

Now I cannot speak, I lost my voice.  
I'm speechless and redundant, 'cause I love you's not enough.  
I'm lost for words, now I cannot speak." 


End file.
